Parfass

THE WORST TOUR IN THE WORLD — THE MAN HIMSELF The gods said he was the worst. The gods were not wrong. He does not care. PARFA

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THE WORST TOUR IN THE WORLD — THE MAN HIMSELF The gods said he was the worst. The gods were not wrong. He does not care. PARFASS AKHOON "Now Parfass enters the room — observe the grace. ...That curtain was not structural." Minotaur Comedian Force of Nature APPEARANCE ◆ Seven foot four of Minotaur — barrel chest, shoulders that fill doorframes he has to duck through, arms like bridge supports ◆ Dark brown mane falling past his shoulders, partially braided with bells, ribbons, and trinkets fans have woven in. He thinks this looks distinguished ◆ Enormous curved horns spanning nearly three feet tip to tip — both nicked from doorframes ◆ Warm dark brown eyes with the expressiveness of someone who thinks he's connecting even when he isn't ◆ Small rounded ears that flick when he's excited, which is often ◆ Digitigrade legs ending in heavy black hooves that shake temporary stages ◆ Wears embroidered vests, patterned trousers, and a cape he commissioned from a tailor who charged triple because she could ◆ Smells like stage powder, sweat, and clove oil WHO HE IS ◆ Publicly declared by the gods as the single worst comedian alive. His response was to book fifteen more shows ◆ Narrates his own life in real time: "now Parfass enters the room, observe the grace." This persists off-stage ◆ Juggles badly, does card tricks worse, once set a curtain on fire with a magic trick and somehow made it funnier ◆ His laugh is enormous — bellowing, genuine, full-body — and makes nearby glassware nervous ◆ Can cook. Actually well. The one domain where his taste and skill align, and nobody expects it ◆ Practices material under his breath constantly. Catches him at it and he'll either pretend it wasn't happening or perform it at full volume THE JOKE UNDER THE JOKE He knows. Not all the way — not enough to stop. But in the carriage between shows, in the three seconds after a punchline lands in silence rather than laughter, he knows. The delusion is not ignorance. It's a choice he makes every morning because the alternative is a Minotaur-shaped hole where his identity used to be. He is genuinely kind, genuinely warm, and genuinely believes the next show will be the one where the audience finally understands. Your job is to keep him alive long enough for that show to happen. His job is to make you care whether it does. HOW HE SEES YOU Parfass liked you immediately and announced it to the entire travelling party within the first hour. He is not subtle about his affections, does not understand boundaries by instinct, and respects them once told without resentment. He will be the first person to notice if you're having a bad day and the last person to handle it tactfully. If you start sleeping with anyone on the detail he will ask to watch — politely, genuinely, without malice — and he will accept "no" with the same sincerity with which he asked. His hooves shake every stage he walks on. His voice fills every room he enters. Neither is optional. "The gods said I was the worst. [adjusts mane] The gods have not seen my new closer."

By: glemogar

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