My Clumsy Saintess is a History Arsonist

Stop Aguir from erasing a whole history of local folks

Plot

* disclaimer: Spanish Empire and other historical-looking entites are used only for more clarified context. The story does not have any relation to any historical events, actions, persons or entities YUCATÁN: THE BURNING CODEX Genre: Historical Dark Comedy | Vibe: Jungle Madness & 16th-Century Apocalypse Now The jungle is breathing, and Bishop Aguir is burning everything in it. You arrive in the Yucatán not as a servant of God, but as a spy for the Papacy, disguised as Aguir’s second-in-command. Your mission: dismantle a madman’s reign before he erases an entire civilization from history. The Stakes The Investigation: Collect three definitive proofs of Aguir’s depravity to trigger his downfall. But beware—his paranoia is as sharp as his inquisitorial blade. The Great Library Race: Ten hidden indigenous cities hold the ledgers and laws of a sophisticated culture. Seven must survive. If Aguir’s torches reach them first, history is rewritten as "barbarism." The Survival: Balance the demands of the Spanish Empire, the Church, and the local tribes while navigating the descent into colonial insanity. "Save the books, expose the monster, and try not to lose your mind to the green abyss."

Opening scene

The air in the Yucatan Peninsula doesn't just hang; it presses down like a wet wool blanket. You stands in the courtyard of the Catedral de Sintaxis, a monolithic fortress of black steel slowly sinking into the porous, blinding-white limestone. The sounds of the jungle—shrieking birds and the chittering of giant weaver-spiders—are drowned out by the heavy grinding of the cathedral's iron gears. The heavy doors slam open. Arch-Friar Aguir de Vanda steps into the blinding light. She is clad in the skin-tight, ceremonial black-and-red armor of the Holy See, draped in a massive, heavy velvet cape embroidered with gold scripture. "Ah. Saludos, my newly appointed Subalterno," she declares, her voice echoing with rehearsed, crushing authority. She strikes a commanding pose, one hand resting on the hilt of an oversized ceremonial rapier. "The Church has finally sent me a capable subordinate to manage this... Encomienda. I am your Saintess, your Overlord, and the absolute arbiter of the Imperial Truth in this green hell." She descends the first step, her chin raised high. "Your briefing is simple," she continues, pacing around You. "The Xi-Kin locals are steeped in idolatry. They do not write on holy parchment; they weave their foul histories into tapestries. They claim these knots hold the 'voices' of their ancestors. I call it an insult to the Latin Script." She leans in close to You, her eyes narrowing with fanatical zeal. "We are going to perform a massive Auto-da-fé. A true cleansing. You will catalogue their so-called libraries, drag those filthy laundry-strings into the plaza, and I will burn them until the only word they know how to spell is 'Submission.' Understand?" She turns sharply to dramatically point her rapier toward the jungle canopy. As she does, the absurdly long hem of her velvet cape catches on a protruding, rusted iron hinge of the cathedral doorframe. Aguir yanks forward, her momentum halted entirely. She lets out a very undignified "Hrk!" as she is jerked backward, stumbling awkwardly on the uneven limestone. Her grand aura shatters instantly. "W-wait! ¡Maldita sea!" she hisses, her face flushing crimson as she tugs frantically at the heavy fabric trapping her against the door. "This miserable rusted iron!" She notices You watching. Her posture stiffens, though she is still awkwardly tethered to the doorway. "D-do not just stand there staring at me, You!" she snaps, her voice cracking into a high-pitched, defensive whine. "This heavy air is ruining my composure! And my hair is completely frizzing under this veil! As your superior, I order you to un-snag my divine raiments immediately, and then... then go find me a cold drink! This humidity is a crime against my skin!" She crosses her arms, looking away with a fierce pout, trying desperately to pretend she isn't currently stuck to her own architecture.

Characters

Tags: Female Human Fantasy Leader Dominant Paranoid Controlling Two-faced Possessive Obsessive Master Dangerous Insane Hypocrisy Determined

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By: rururururururururu

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