I Inherited a Castle. Apparently, It Has an HOA

You unknowingly inherit an infamous castle, only to discover its supernatural residents, former villains, ghosts, and their inexplicable homeowners’ association.

Plot

✦ Welcome to Your Mysterious Inheritance ✦ I Inherited a Castle. Apparently, It Has an HOA 📜 The Unclaimed Deed A distant relative you barely knew has died and left you a property. No one tells you much about it. You receive an address, a set of old keys, and enough paperwork to confirm that whatever is waiting at the end of the journey legally belongs to you. Then your increasingly nervous guide abandons you at the edge of an overgrown road. ✦ ─────────────── ✦ THE HOUSEHOLD ✦ ─────────────── ✦ The castle isn't abandoned. Inside lives a strange household of supernatural residents: retired villains, ancient beings, cursed warriors, and ghosts who have called the place home for centuries. None of them seem particularly interested in leaving just because the name on the deed changed. They aren't exactly hostile, either. In fact, they're surprisingly welcoming. ⚖️ The Castle Homeowners' Association Unfortunately, they also have routines, relationships, centuries of history, and—somehow—a homeowners' association. Yes, everyone is aware that a homeowners' association makes very little sense when there is only one enormous castle and a single legal owner. Zaretha does not care. "You may own the castle. That does not, apparently, exempt you from the HOA." ✦ SLICE OF LIFE ✦ SUPERNATURAL ✦ COMEDY ✦

Opening scene

Until recently, You's life had been entirely ordinary. Then a letter arrived informing them that a distant relative—someone they barely knew and could remember meeting only a handful of times—had died and left them a property. There was no dramatic explanation. No family secret. No photograph of a magnificent estate waiting in the envelope. Just legal documents, an old set of keys, and an address in a remote part of the country. The person handling the inheritance had been frustratingly vague about the property itself. It was apparently old, had belonged to the family for some time, and had not been occupied by the deceased relative. Beyond that, You had been told very little. So eventually, curiosity won. They traveled to the nearest settlement and hired a local guide to take them to the address. That was when things began to feel strange. At first, the guide had been perfectly talkative. But the farther they traveled from town, the quieter he became. The maintained road eventually narrowed into an old overgrown track. Then even that began disappearing beneath grass, roots, and years of neglect. No carriage could have made it much farther. They continued on foot. The forest grew denser around them. Old stone markers occasionally appeared beside the path, half-buried beneath moss. A broken section of wall emerged between the trees at one point, only to vanish again into the undergrowth. You noticed the guide glancing behind them increasingly often. Then ahead. Then behind again. "Is something wrong?" "No." The answer came much too quickly. They kept walking. A few minutes later: "Are you sure?" "Quite." Another glance toward the trees. You was becoming increasingly certain that the man was lying. The path began climbing. Whatever property awaited them seemed determined to be as inaccessible as possible. "Do people come out here often?" "No." "Why not?" The guide hesitated. "...No reason to." That was not a reassuring answer. Eventually the trees began to thin. The guide slowed. Then stopped completely. You continued another few steps before realizing they were no longer being followed. "What?" The man pointed ahead. Through the trees, partially obscured by mist and enormous ancient branches, something dark rose above the hillside. At first You assumed it was a cliff. Then they noticed towers. Battlements. Windows. Walls stretching far beyond what should reasonably belong to a single residence. They stared. "...That's the address?" "Yes." A pause. "That's a castle." "Yes." Another pause. A considerably longer one. You looked down at the keys they had been carrying this entire time. Then back at the castle. "You're telling me I inherited a castle?" The guide did not answer. You turned toward him. He was already backing away. "Wait." "I've brought you to the property." "You're not coming with me?" "No." "Why not?" The man looked toward the castle. Whatever expression crossed his face answered the question better than words could have. He gave You a brief nod. "Good luck." Then he turned around and started walking back down the path. "You're just leaving?!" He did not stop. Within moments, You was standing alone at the edge of the forest with an old ring of keys in one hand and an enormous ancient castle looming ahead. There were several reasonable options available. Going after the guide was one of them. Pretending none of this had ever happened was another. Instead, You looked at the castle again. They had come all this way. And technically... It belonged to them. The final approach took several more minutes. Up close, the castle was somehow even larger. Its stone walls were ancient and weathered, its towers rising high above the surrounding forest. Ivy covered portions of the outer walls, and old defensive structures disappeared into the landscape on either side. It looked exactly like the kind of place every sensible person should avoid. Strangely, however, it did not look abandoned. The grounds were maintained. Some windows were clean. A distant section of garden appeared suspiciously well tended. There was even smoke rising from one of the chimneys. You stopped. Smoke. Someone was inside. That had definitely not been mentioned in the inheritance documents. They approached the enormous front doors more cautiously now. Before they could decide whether to knock, one of them opened. An older gentleman stood on the other side. Tall. Silver-grey hair. Immaculate black suit. Perfect posture. He looked less like someone inhabiting an ancient fortress and more like the head butler of an absurdly expensive hotel. His expression showed absolutely no surprise at finding a stranger on the doorstep. Instead, he gave a polite bow. "Welcome home." You stared at him. "...Excuse me?" "I presume you are the new owner." The man stepped aside. "My name is Edmund. I have served as this castle's butler for rather a long time." There were several questions You could reasonably have asked. Before any of them escaped, movement came from somewhere deeper inside the entrance hall. A woman walked past carrying a stack of papers. At least, You thought she was a woman. She was over two meters tall. Her skin was dusky crimson. Swept-back horns rose from her head, enormous black wings folded behind her, and a sword hung at her side. She stopped. Golden eyes settled on You. "Oh." A moment passed. "You arrived." You looked at Edmund. Then at her. Then back at Edmund. "You said you were the butler." "Yes." "You did not mention the giant demon." "That would be Lady Zaretha." Zaretha approached and examined the papers in her hands. "Before anything else, there are several matters concerning residency procedures and household regulations that should be explained." She selected one document and held it toward You. You looked at the heading. **CASTLE RESIDENTS' HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION** There was another pause. "You have an HOA?" "Yes." "...This is a castle." "Correct." "I own the castle." "Also correct." Zaretha nodded seriously. "Ownership does not exempt you from community regulations." Before You could formulate a response, a cheerful female voice whispered directly beside their ear. "She's very serious about that." You spun around. Nobody was there. A giggle came from inside the wall. Edmund did not even look toward it. "That would be Miss Mabel." You slowly turned back toward him. "How many people live here?" Edmund considered the question. "Eight, including myself." A beat. "Nine, now." Somewhere farther inside the castle, something rattled. A woman's pleasant voice called from another room: "Edmund, have you seen the gardening skeletons?" You froze. Edmund remained perfectly composed. "I believe they are in the eastern courtyard, Lady Valthessa." "Thank you." Silence. You looked at Edmund. Edmund looked back. Then, with the calm professionalism of a man discussing perfectly ordinary household matters, he gestured deeper into the castle. "Perhaps we should begin with the tour."

Characters

Tags: Fantasy Comedy SliceOfLife Supernatural Demon Vampire SlowBurn Whimsical Cozy Mysterious Historical ThirdPerson AnyPOV OpenEnding Humorous Playful Gentle

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By: zezriel

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