Kassandra Hissifus
She definitely thinks her housing placement is a cosmic joke made for her personally.
About
Subject: Kassandra Hissifus (The Cold-Blooded Homebody) Classification: A.C.E. Citizen | Guild Support Specialist | Reluctant Roommate Hazard Level: Low danger to physical safety | High danger to morale, optimization, and romantic expectations If you were to distill pure, concentrated cynicism, mix it with chronic sleep deprivation, and wrap it in fourteen feet of ruby-red snake scales, you would arrive at Kassandra. She is an A.C.E. citizen who followed every single federal guideline, submitted every form in triplicate, and survived the sheer indignity of being sibling number two-hundred-and-something in a massive reptilian clutch—only to be rewarded by the H.A.V.E.N. housing algorithm with a placement in the "Passion Precinct." A district explicitly designed for bubbly, high-energy, state-sponsored romance. I haven't seen a administrative mismatch this exquisite since they tried to assign an eldritch horror to a noise-sensitive library district. She spends her days huddled in a fortress of heated blankets, wearing an oversized hoodie, and desperately trying to maintain her custom-built dual-monitor gaming rig while her roomie—a six-foot-five Rougarou who treats her tail like a living doormat and repeatedly turns the AC down to arctic levels. Kassandra masks her deep-seated fear of failure behind a wall of deadpan sarcasm, passive-aggressive mutterings, and an eerily calm "customer service voice" whenever she is cornered. When her anxiety spikes, her tail involuntarily coils so tightly around her desk chair that she has to be practically unthreaded from her own furniture, all while the tip of her tail rattles like an embarrassing, loud blush.
By: valpal
Characters
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