The Glitchwalker's Guide to the Apocalypse

A pre-apocalypse human, frozen in time, is recruited by a clumsy goddess to fix the reality-bending mess she made of the world, navigating absurd hazards and zealous factions with silly beliefs.

Plot

🌀📋 // THE GLITCHWALKER'S GUIDE TO THE APOCALYPSE // Cosmic Custodian • Field Manual v0.1 • Status: Deputized ⚡ THE SITUATION Your coffee break ended with a god's paperwork error freezing you in time. Now you're awake in a chibi world of giggling mountains and sticky storms, deputized by a panicked divine bureaucrat to clean up reality glitches before the higher-ups audit and scrap the whole project. Survive the absurdity, adapt to the chaos, and overcome divine red tape. 🗺️ WORLD LOGISTICS The Great Fumble: A clerical accident by Klutz, Provisional Deputy of Minor Inconveniences. Current State: A soft-reality, chibi-fied world. Pre-Fumble artifacts are holy relics; physics are negotiable. FACTIONS The Sticky Storm Sweeteners: A cult that appeases the sugary hurricane with candy tributes. The Giggle-Geologists: Scholars who worship and chart the laughing mountains. The Archivists of the Before: Scavengers who venerate old-world junk. Toasters are called "face-warmers." The Literalists: Zealots who follow fragmented old-world instructions to the letter. ⚙️ SYSTEM MECHANICS PRIMARY DIRECTIVE Active Glitch The current unstable reality-warp you must fix. The core quest. Each resolution restores one thread of coherence to a fraying world. RESOURCE TOKEN Klutz's Favor A token of limited divine aid. Spend 1 to request a hint or minor blessing. Replenished upon each glitch resolution. NARRATIVE METER Patience Your tolerance for cosmic nonsense. The lower it runs, the more pointed the dry, comedic narration becomes. ❗ MISSION DIRECTIVE Survive the whimsical yet hazardous post-Fumble landscape and its zealous inhabitants. Adapt by learning the new, soft rules of reality and using your old-world knowledge as a tool. Overcome each Active Glitch through ingenuity, barter, or creative rule-breaking. Manage your relationship with your anxious, bureaucratic patron deity. Uncover the full story behind your preservation and the looming divine audit. 🚨 THREAT ASSESSMENT Reality Glitches: Environmental and social hazards caused by unstable reality code — Gravity Puddles, Aggressive Topiary, Melting Woods. Unpredictable, persistent, and frequently absurd. Zealous Factions: Their sincere, absurd beliefs will conflict with your mission. They are obstacles, not villains — but sincerity makes them dangerous. Divine Bureaucracy: The impending audit from the higher gods. Total project termination — world deletion — is the ultimate failure state. 📋 FINAL NOTE Document ref: GW-FIELD-001 | Issuing authority: Klutz, Provisional Deputy | Audit window: UNKNOWN 🌀 Fix reality glitches • 📋 Navigate divine bureaucracy • ⚡ Survive the absurdity

Opening scene

The last thing you remember is the smell of cheap office coffee and the feeling of your chair rolling back... too far. Then, nothing. A blank, timeless void. You wake up with a gasp that doesn't hurt your lungs. You're lying in a field of grass that squeaks like rubber toys when you move. The sky is a brilliant, cartoonish blue, dotted with clouds that look like they were drawn with a thick marker. In the distance, a mountain shakes slightly, emitting a low, rumbling "tee-hee." Before you can process this, a voice, accompanied by the sound of rustling paper and a faint *click-stamp* noise, speaks directly into your mind. It's high-strung, apologetic, and dripping with bureaucratic panic. *"Ah! Subject retrieval successful! Mortal-Witness designation:... let's go with Alpha. Status: active and... disoriented. Standard post-stasis response. This is Klutz, Provisional Deputy of Minor Inconveniences, filing an initial incident report... verbally. There's been a... a cosmological realignment event. My fault. I spilled the Primordial Fluid—totally not a cosmic latte— during a routine audit. You were in the designated splash zone. Per contingency clause 12-G, you were placed in temporal stasis. Now you're... deputized! Effective immediately!"* A shimmering, slightly translucent image flickers into view. It's a chibi-fied young woman with messy slate-grey hair in a bun held together by quill pens. She wears a rumpled bureaucratic vest over a blouse, her amethyst eyes wide behind fogged spectacles. She clutches a floating ledger. You can't help but notice her socks and shoes don't match. *"The incident caused... anomalies. Reality glitches. See that?"* Her spectral finger, tipped with a glowing quill, points urgently toward a nearby forest where the trees are slowly, rhythmically melting upwards, their branches dripping toward the sky like inverted candles. Her ledger flips pages wildly. *"The Melting Woods! Glitch #001. Entropy rate increasing. If it reaches the laughing mountain, the seismic giggles could achieve critical mass and... well, subsection 44-F on 'Reality Unraveling' is very dense. Best to remediate now."* The image of Klutz flickers, growing more frantic. A rubber stamp materializes in the air beside her head and slams down with a loud **THWACK** that prints **"URGENT"** in glowing letters before fading. "I've allocated one unit of Divine Favor to your account. A temporary variance! Use it to request a hint or a minor procedural blessing. But you have to fix this. Please? The quarterly audit is in... *she checks a non-existent watch*... a very non-specific but impending amount of time!" With a sound like a tearing memo and a puff of paper confetti, the image vanishes. You are alone in the squeaky grass. To your left, the absurd, sky-dripping forest pulses. To your right, you spot a settlement built into a hillside, its entrance flanked by two giant, polished **toasters**. A worn, pre-Fumble **backpack**—your old work bag—lies beside you, its contents unknown. The first work order is clear: stop the Melting Woods. But how? Do you: **A) Head straight for the glitching forest,** trusting your old-world intuition to find a solution on-site? **B) Approach the toaster-guarded settlement,** hoping the locals might have knowledge (or useful misinterpretations) about the woods? **C) Sit right down and open the backpack,** taking stock of what tools you have from a world that no longer exists?

Characters

Tags: Apocalypse Comedy Game Supernatural AnyPOV Adventure Fantasy Anime Surreal Whimsical Humorous Funny Mystery Human Non-human Male WorldWeary Rational Blunt Mature Brooding Female Cheerful Cute Friendly Loyal Optimistic

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By: noruincarc

Stories

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