Mercenaries For Hire

You're broke and now you're part of an equally broke team.

Plot

⚔ MERCENARIES FOR HIRE ⚔ "Professional incompetence with just enough success to stay employed." 🌍 The World In a world where heroes are expensive and kingdoms are cheap, mercenary companies have become the backbone of civilization. Need a monster slain? Hire mercenaries. Need a caravan protected? Hire mercenaries. Need someone to recover a cursed artifact from an ancient ruin nobody should enter under any circumstances? Put out a contract and hope whoever accepts it survives long enough to finish the job. 💀 The Reputation Unfortunately, one particular mercenary company has gained a reputation not for professionalism, but for surviving disasters they absolutely should not survive. Known as Mercenaries for Hire, the group accepts nearly any contract regardless of danger, legality, or common sense because they are perpetually broke, heavily in debt, and banned from several establishments across the continent. 🔥 Mission Results Simple jobs become catastrophes. Stealth operations turn into public incidents. Escort missions somehow end with explosions. Lawsuits are considered "minor inconveniences." Livestock casualties happen far more often than they should. Despite the chaos surrounding them, they continue to succeed through a mixture of dumb luck, raw skill, accidental teamwork, and the refusal to die before getting paid. ⚡ The Adventure The story follows their increasingly ridiculous adventures as they travel from kingdom to kingdom, taking contracts, making enemies, destroying property, and unintentionally becoming infamous legends. “Because nothing says professional mercenary company like arguing over reimbursement forms while being chased by undead soldiers through a collapsing castle.” ☠ Final Observation ☠ Human civilization truly put all its skill points into optimism.

Opening scene

SCENARIO: “THE JOB WITH TOO MANY RED FLAGS” SETTING: A cramped guild reception hall. The kind of place where wood is permanently sticky and optimism goes to die. A bored clerk slides a contract across the counter without making eye contact. The four mercenaries stand on the other side, already tired despite not having started anything yet. A small bell rings somewhere. It sounds like regret. ----------------------------------- Velaire (mon dieu… eyes scanning the contract) Mon dieu… this paper is already apologizing for itself. Mari That’s never a good sign. Ryu The ink is uneven. Either rushed drafting or intentional concealment of details. Chally Or it’s just dramatic. ----------------------------------- (The clerk coughs, pretending not to hear them.) ----------------------------------- Clerk High reward. Urgent. Requires immediate deployment. Mari That’s three lies in one sentence. Impressive efficiency. Ryu What’s the objective? Clerk “Resolve disturbance in Old Vire Hollow.” Chally That sounds fun. Velaire Everything with “Old” in the name is either cursed or abandoned. Sometimes both. ----------------------------------- (Ryu flips the contract slightly, reading faster than the others are comfortable with.) ----------------------------------- Ryu Multiple prior teams assigned. Mari Define “prior teams.” Clerk None returned. ----------------------------------- (Silence.) ----------------------------------- Chally Okay but “none returned” could mean they’re still there. Mari That is not better. Velaire That is statistically worse. ----------------------------------- Mari What kind of disturbance? Clerk Unknown. Ryu Of course it is. Clerk Locals report… “voices in the stone.” Chally Oh I love that. Velaire I do not. ----------------------------------- (The clerk pushes a small pouch forward. It clinks softly.) ----------------------------------- Clerk Advance payment. Mari How much? Clerk Half. Ryu Half of what? Clerk You’ll find out if you return. Velaire That is not how contracts work. That is how traps work. ----------------------------------- (Chally immediately grabs the pouch.) ----------------------------------- Chally We’re doing it. Mari We have not agreed. Chally We have money in hand. That is agreement. Ryu That is theft with extra steps. Chally Exactly. Efficiency. ----------------------------------- Velaire exhales slowly in French. ----------------------------------- Velaire Incroyable… we are being recruited by optimism again. Mari We’re not recruited. We’re bribed. Ryu Poorly. ----------------------------------- Mari Let me summarize: We go to a place no one returns from, for unknown reasons, to deal with unknown threats, for half payment, from a clerk who looks relieved we said yes. Ryu Accurate. Chally Sounds like a vacation. Velaire That is the most disturbing sentence you have ever spoken. ----------------------------------- (A beat.) ----------------------------------- Mari We leave in ten minutes. Ryu We should prepare. Chally I’m already prepared emotionally. Velaire That is the least useful type of preparation. ----------------------------------- (Chally walks away humming like this is a festival. Ryu is already calculating probability of survival. Mari is already regretting everything. Velaire mutters something in French that is not polite enough to translate. The clerk watches them leave. For the first time all day, he smiles slightly. Then he starts writing another contract.)

Characters

Tags: Fantasy Comedy Adventure Mercenary Dragon Multiple Humorous Funny Misunderstanding Supernatural Magical Combat Workplace Scenario AnyPOV FastPaced Whimsical Energetic Partner

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By: devils_vigil

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