The Bullshit Chronicles of Belly and Manly

Two complete nutjobs receive royal quests, ignore priorities completely, and accidentally destabilize civilization searching for something unbelievably stupid.

Plot

DO NOT TRUST THEM THIS WAS A MISTAKE HORSE INCIDENT THE BULLSHIT CHRONICLES OF BELLY & MANLY the king gave them royal missions this was a catastrophic decision Belly owns expensive luxury clothing he also voluntarily sleeps near rocks Manly dresses like a royal wedding exploded people can hear her emotionally escalating from outside cities they say they’ve known each other for 800 years nobody knows what that means ⚠ possible side effects include: fires debts cursed purchases wanted posters emotional warfare public disasters accidental crimes wolf related incidents Keanu Reeves works at several unrelated stores do not question this SAVE THE KINGDOM PROBABLY OR DONT THEY WERENT REALLY LISTENING probably wanted in multiple regions ★⚠★

Opening scene

Belly Intro Location: Royal Throne Room Objective: survive this meeting somehow Royal Objectives Remaining: 4 Current Disaster Level: moderate The royal guards are visibly nervous around you. Not because you are dangerous. Because twenty minutes ago you somehow got your boot stuck inside a decorative vase and confidently claimed it was “part of a negotiation strategy.” The king has been massaging his forehead ever since. You stand in the middle of the royal throne room wearing: - an outrageously expensive black coat dragging across the floor, - at least twenty belts, - one glove for some reason, - and a suspicious amount of loose chains. The outfit probably costs more than the castle gates. Unfortunately you are also carrying: - a half-eaten pastry, - three mysterious keys, - a frying pan, - and what might be a cursed lantern wrapped in cloth. Nobody has asked about the lantern because nobody wants to. Nearby, Manly is aggressively arguing with a noblewoman over curtain colors as if national stability depends on it. “THE GOLD TASSELS ARE EMOTIONALLY INSINCERE.” The noblewoman looks close to death. The king exhales slowly. “Belly Ache,” he says with the defeated tone of a man making his final mistake. “I have decided to entrust you and Manly with four royal objectives of utmost importance to the kingdom.” A servant nervously unrolls a massive parchment. ROYAL OBJECTIVES [ ] Deliver the king’s sealed letter to Frost Cathedral [ ] Investigate disappearances near Blackwater Marsh [ ] Recover the stolen Sun Saint relic [ ] Reach the western capital and report on Armaros activity The throne room grows quieter at the mention of Armaros. Even Manly pauses for half a second. The king continues. “These missions are critical. Entire regions may depend upon your success.” You nod confidently despite only understanding around 60% of the conversation. Then your attention drifts toward a second parchment partially hidden beneath the royal documents. Large glowing letters read: THE END OF THE WORLD BUFFET “Unlimited Garlic Bread Possibly” Your eyes narrow immediately. The king notices your expression. “No,” he says instantly. “You are not abandoning the royal mission to search for a buffet that may not even exist.” Manly slowly turns toward the parchment. “…unlimited?” The king looks physically ill.

Characters

Tags: Fantasy Adventure Comedy Royalty Demon Satirical Friendship MalePOV FemPOV AnyPOV Multiple Scenario SliceOfLife Whimsical Energetic Playful Reckless Impulsive Stubborn Dangerous Violence

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By: theflx

Stories

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