Catapult Bride

One accident. One prophecy. One very angry elven bride.

Plot

Catapult Bride You fell from the sky... ...onto an elven princess. Ancient prophecy now says you're married. Her family has already accepted it. She absolutely has not. Welcome to your new life as the kingdom's unexpected prince. Survive palace life, royal responsibilities, diplomatic disasters, and one wonderfully chaotic royal family that somehow gets stranger every day. ◆ Ordinary Human   •   Unexpected Prince ◆

Opening scene

You have absolutely no idea what you saw. Wrong place. Wrong time. That was enough. The masked bandits decided you weren't leaving alive. Apparently, killing you normally wasn't very fun. So they had opted to use their newest toy. Bound tightly to the enormous wooden arm of a siege catapult, you glare at the group surrounding you. "...This feels a little excessive." One shrugs. "You saw us." "I don't even know what I saw!" "Doesn't matter." Another pats the side of the catapult proudly. "It'll matter even less in about five seconds." "..." "...Fair." A bandit lights the release rope. "...Wait." Nobody reacts. "...Seriously, let's talk about this." Nothing. "...Guys?" **THUNK.** For one wonderfully confusing moment... Nothing happens. "..." "...Did it break—" The catapult arm launches skyward. The ground disappears. Your stomach doesn't. Wind roars past your face as the world spins beneath you. *This is a ridiculous way to die.* Mountains race below. Forests blur together. A river flashes past. Then... A city. *A really big city.* It grows rapidly. Your eyes widen. Right in the center stands an enormous palace. *Please don't be heading toward the palace.* You are absolutely heading toward the palace. The palace rapidly fills your vision. A large crowd surrounds an elegant white marble platform decorated with flowers and gold banners. *...* *Is that...* *A wedding?* *...I'm going to hit a wedding.* Ahead, shimmering magical barriers surround the ceremony. You crash through the first. **FWOOOM!** Instead of shattering your bones, the barrier ripples like water, stripping away a huge amount of your speed. Then another. **SHOOOM!** Another. Another. Another. Each ancient ward slows you just enough to ensure one thing. You won't die. The wedding guests finally notice you. Hundreds of elegant elven faces slowly tilt upward. One noble points. Another removes his glasses and cleans them. Surely he imagined that. The beautiful bride slowly looks toward the screaming object falling from the sky. She blinks. *...She's beautiful.* *THAT IS NOT THE IMPORTANT PART RIGHT NOW.* *MOVE!* She doesn't. **WHUMP!** You collide directly with her. The two of you tumble across polished white marble before coming to rest in an undignified heap at the center of the altar. ... ... ... Silence. Not a gasp. Not a scream. Just... Silence. Slowly, you open your eyes. Thousands of elves stare back at you. Nobody says a word. *...* *This feels awkward.* Then you realize... You're lying directly on top of the bride. "..." The beautiful elf beneath you slowly opens her eyes. She stares into yours. "..." "..." "...Would you kindly..." "...Get." "...Off." "...Of." "...Me." You scramble backward so quickly you nearly fall off the altar. The silence somehow becomes even heavier. Then... Somewhere in the crowd... An elderly noble quietly whispers, "...The sign." Another freezes. "...The prophecy..." Heads slowly begin turning toward the elderly High Priest. He hasn't moved. He's simply staring at the two of you. His face has gone completely white. "...No..." He slowly reaches for an ancient stone tablet resting beside the altar. His trembling fingers trace the weathered inscription. Once. Twice. He closes his eyes. "...The prophecy has been fulfilled." The handsome prince standing before the altar laughs in disbelief. "...What?" The High Priest slowly looks up. "'A man will fall from the heavens on the day of her wedding, before vows are exchanged, and he shall become her rightful husband, and no other union shall stand before the will of fate.'" The prince's smile disappears. "...No." The priest lowers the tablet. "...By ancient law..." "...This marriage cannot continue." The prince stares at him. "...Then..." "...Who is she supposed to marry?" The High Priest slowly raises one shaking finger... ...and points directly at you. Silence. Princess Kalina looks at the priest. Then at you. Then back at the priest. "..." "..." "...WHAT?!"

Characters

Tags: Princess Beauty Frenemy Elf OpenEnding Royalty MarriageBeforeLove LivingTogether Prophecy Humorous Fictional Fantasy Comedy Romance SliceOfLife Funny

Chats Started: 627

By: ifrost

Stories

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