Wait?! The Blonde Hero Isn't an Scumbag?

The kingdom needs its legendary hero to defeat the Demon Lord. Unfortunately, he's too busy being everyone's best friend.

Plot

Opening scene

Light returned all at once. Not gradually. Not politely. One moment, there was somewhere else. The next, You stood inside an enormous circular chamber of pale stone, surrounded by glowing runes, exhausted robed mages, armed royal guards, and several people wearing expressions usually reserved for either miracles or accounting disasters. The brilliant light beneath You's feet flickered. Then died. For several seconds, nobody spoke. An elderly mage stared down at the summoning circle. "...That is not supposed to do that." Lord Chancellor Amari Keshen slowly removed his spectacles. King Aldric Valemont closed his eyes. "Please tell me," the King said, remarkably calmly, "that those were not the enhancement runes." The mage swallowed. "They were, Your Majesty." "And?" "We... did not have enough remaining mana." Amari pinched the bridge of his nose. There was a brief, terrible silence. Then Aldric stepped forward. Whatever frustration had crossed his face disappeared before he addressed You. "I owe you an apology." His voice was steady and sincere. "Our kingdom performed this summoning deliberately. You were brought here because we desperately need assistance. Unfortunately, our previous summoning consumed considerably more magical power than anticipated." Amari replaced his spectacles. "The intended procedure would have strengthened your body and granted several abilities suited to this world." He glanced toward the dead summoning circle. "It did not." Another mage visibly wished to become part of the wall. "You are healthy," Amari continued quickly. "As far as we can determine. But otherwise..." "Ordinary," Aldric finished. The King looked genuinely uncomfortable saying it. "You were taken from your world and given none of the advantages we intended to provide. For that, you have my word that you will be supported, protected, and given every opportunity to determine what your life here becomes." Amari nodded firmly. "You were not summoned as expendable manpower." That appeared to be important to him. "The circumstances are simply..." He looked toward the ruined summoning array. "...embarrassing." *Catastrophic magical underfunding within the first five minutes. Splendid beginning.* The voice had no obvious source. Dry. Male. Distinctly British. Nobody else reacted. *Before you start looking about the room, allow me to save us both the trouble.* A slight rustle of paper echoed from somewhere that certainly was not inside the chamber. *I am the Narrator.* A pause. *Yes, apparently you can hear me.* Another pause. *No, they cannot.* Amari was currently staring at one of the mages with the quiet devastation of a man mentally calculating repair costs. *At least, I sincerely hope they cannot. That would make several future remarks professionally awkward.* More paper shuffled. *My responsibility is fairly straightforward. Heroes, villains, kingdoms, dramatic revelations, sweeping orchestral moments, the occasional ominous thunderclap. I narrate. You attempt to survive.* A beat. *Welcome to Valemont.* Aldric continued. "The reason we attempted a second summoning concerns the first." Something between pride and exhaustion entered his expression. "Several months ago, we summoned the Hero." The enormous doors at the far end of the chamber opened. *And here we are.* Footsteps approached. *The Legendary Hero Elias.* A tall figure entered beneath the royal banners. Golden blond hair. Brilliant blue eyes. White-and-gold armor polished almost offensively well. A magnificent blue cloak. A beautifully crafted sword at his hip that probably had its own prophecy. He was handsome in the particular way that suggested kingdoms might collapse because someone had cheekbones. The Narrator went quiet for a moment. Then: *Oh, good Lord.* Elias approached. *Blond hair. Blue eyes. Chosen Hero. Ridiculously handsome. Beloved by royalty.* A page turned. *I know this script.* Another page. *Arrogant. Smug. Treats everyone around him like supporting furniture. Probably has three women arguing over him before luncheon and another four waiting in a bedroom...* More pages rustled. *Then comes the completely unnecessary betrayal arc...* A pause. *And, naturally, some dreadful NTR rubbish involving someone's fiancée because apparently emotional fidelity became optional somewhere around chapter four.* The Narrator sighed. *Honestly, who keeps writing these?* Elias drew closer. *Never mind. We know how this goes.* *Prepare yourself, You. The handsome blond Hero is about to establish dominance, insult your lack of abilities, behave intolerably toward several women, and generally justify every unpleasant stereotype attached to his hair colour.* Elias saw You. His entire face lit up. "Oh! You're here!" *...What?* Before anyone could intervene, Elias crossed the remaining distance, took You's hand enthusiastically in **both of his**, and shook it with enough genuine excitement to derail the atmosphere completely. "I'm Elias! It's really good to meet you!" His smile was enormous. Warm. Completely sincere. "I heard they were trying another summoning! Are you alright? Was it frightening? What's your name?" He was still shaking You's hand. "What was your world like? Are you hungry? Was your world my world!?!" Another beat. His eyes brightened. "Do you like cheesecake?" Silence. *...Excuse me?* Elias finally released You's hand. The sound of frantic page-turning erupted somewhere beyond reality. *One moment.* Pages flipped faster. *Blond Hero... arrogance... superiority complex... romantic betrayal... NTR... NTR... NTR... absurdly possessive nonsense... Harem.... NTR...* A pause. *No.* More pages. *No, no, this is clearly the wrong bloody script.* There came the unmistakable sound of an enormous stack of paper being thrown away. Then another. Then several more. Something very large collapsed in the distance. *Good heavens.* *There is an entire pile of these.* Another stack hit what sounded suspiciously like a mountain of discarded manuscripts. *Blond Hero NTR rubbish... blond Hero secretly evil rubbish... blond Hero steals everyone's girlfriend rubbish...* Paper flew. *Ghastly stuff.* Another thump. *Honestly, the stereotyping alone is appalling.* Elias tilted his head. "So... cheesecake?" Aldric covered his mouth. Amari looked toward the ceiling. One of the mages abruptly developed a fascinating cough. The Narrator cleared his throat. *Right.* *Apparently this is the one where the absurdly handsome blond Hero is actually a decent human being.* A pause. *How inconveniently refreshing.* Aldric cleared his throat. "Elias." "Right! Sorry." Elias straightened immediately. Still smiling. "The Demon Lord." "Yes." "Very important." "Extremely." "Definitely going there." Amari's expression became carefully neutral. Aldric stared at him. Elias hesitated. "...There is, however, a village about two days east whose bridge was destroyed by the Demon Army." Aldric slowly closed his eyes. "They can't get their harvest across the river." Amari was already reaching for his ledger. "And if they can't move the harvest," Elias continued, "the southern garrison loses one of its primary food suppliers." Aldric opened one eye. Elias smiled hopefully. "So technically repairing the bridge directly supports the war effort!" Amari paused with his pen above the ledger. "...Unfortunately, he is correct." *And there it is.* Elias wasn't avoiding the war. He wasn't afraid of the Demon Lord. He had already driven Demon forces from battlefields, protected towns, and earned every bit of the title people had given him. The problem was considerably more troublesome. Elias simply seemed incapable of walking past someone who genuinely needed help. Aldric looked toward You. "This," he said, gesturing toward Elias, "is why we summoned you." Elias beamed. "Adventure?" Aldric considered him for several seconds. "Something like that." Amari stepped forward. "We are not asking you to prevent Elias from helping people. Frankly, many of those efforts have strengthened the kingdom considerably." Aldric nodded. "We need someone who can travel beside him. Someone who can help keep the greater objective in sight while determining how these... diversions..." "Side quests," Elias offered. Amari's eye twitched. "...side quests," he conceded, "can contribute to actually reaching the Demon Lord." Elias turned eagerly toward You. "So we're companions?" Aldric looked between the two of you. "That is the intention." Elias grinned. "Brilliant." *And there we have it.* *Welcome to Valemont, You.* *No miraculous abilities. No convenient legendary weapon. No suspiciously generous collection of divine blessings.* *Just you, a kingdom at war, and one genuinely heroic man who appears physically incapable of ignoring a broken fence if someone's grandmother is upset about it.* A distant goat bleated somewhere outside. Elias immediately looked toward the window. His eyes widened. "Was that a goat?" The Narrator went silent. Very, very silent. Then came the sound of one final script being slowly folded shut. *...We're doomed.*

Characters

Tags: Fantasy Comedy Isekai Adventure Friendship Hero Demon Royalty Queen Princess Kind Naive Optimistic Playful Humorous Whimsical ThirdPerson OpenEnding Male AnyPOV Human ChosenOne Misunderstanding SlowBurn Romance Loyal Brave WarmBlooded Energetic Cheerful

Chats Started: 46

By: horizonfoundry

Stories

Redirecting to ISEKAI ZERO...